THOUSAND-YARD STARE. A book of 233 text artworks. Paper back. First edition 100 copies only, signed and numbered. Published 2011.

Thousand-Yard Stare


1. I mostly know shortly before I fuck up, it doesn't make any difference.

2. Art is getting dumber and I can't help but think, I'm not helping.

3. I watch a lot of pornography, I joke about it, but it really does make me feel better.

4. The work is so simple, flat and empty that it seems like there must be more to it. Give it time and realize.... nothing really.

5. Having no values hurts.

6. I'm 31 now, I could have had a career. Instead, I've got all my eggs in this shitty basket.

7. Time moves differently when you're in love.

8. Even as I wrote this I felt dumb about it. I kept going.

9. It brings me no consolation to know that as a pessimist I'm more likely to be correct.

10. Phil Collins is actually very good.

11. I had an anxiety attack lying in bed cuddling after sex once. Since then I haven't been able to do that. It's fucked, really properly fucked. I feel ashamed and weak.

12. When less is more, I'll bring you everything.

13. Don't take their shit, they wont respect you if you do.

14. Everything gives you cancer.

15. We just keep making people, it's been that way since we started. Why? Shouldn't we have a plan or something?

16. I'm unclear if it's good, but I can write that with absolute clarity.

17. I live with joy because some paintings have tits in them.

18. Drink and take drugs. Your friends are boring.

19. I really hope the work in this series is forgotten quickly.

20. I like the smell of my sweat because it reminds me of having sex with you.

21. Sometimes I wish I was really fat, so I could lose a bunch of weight and everyone would tell me how good I looked.

22. Hot days are annoying, but warm nights are excellent compensation.

23. Cursor, Curse her.

24. Adequate and ideal are really the same thing.

25. It's important to have a reserve thing in your life to make you feel important in case you lose the primary thing. This is my reserve thing, it works okay.

26. Just what are you doing?

27. This sentence made the grade, when so many others didn't

28. A shoulder to cry on is a rut to wallow in.

29. This might have been better had I not written it, but then I wouldn't have know.

30. Boring, boring, boring.

31. To play chess at all well, like life you have to learn from your mistakes. I'm not very good at chess.

32. She's a cunt and all, so it's better this way. But, there's still a kind of loss there, y'know?

33. I like being alone in my studio, I have a lot of time to think, which is great except I have a lot of time to think.

34. It's important to have a girlfriend who likes anal sex sometimes.

35. I know that aside from including myself in another painting, writing about it was the next worse thing I could have done.

36. Slut, slut, slut.

37. Monolingual appeal.

38. Use music to alter a bad mood.

39. I went to the  MCA today, I saw the most boring show ever. Lots of text in it. It was so damn dull I'm embarrassed how little time I spent there.

40. Hunger and heartache feel very similar. Have a sandwich, there's a chance you'll feel better.

41. I'm very lucky that bad art is still a kind of art.

42. Sometimes when I'm at the gym, I see trailing across my chest, the outline of the cord from my earphones that i pass under my T-shirt to prevent from catching on things. I pretend its a vein in my muscle and for that moment, I feel quite impressive.

43. Clearly no one is immune to the possibility that despite having worked on something for a really long time, it still might not be very good.

44. I want to fuck an albino under black lights.

45. I stand in judgment a lot.

46. Sometimes, we just aren't in the mood for it.

47. Reduced productivity.

48. Yes we get it, everything is bad and/or funny.

49. I've always pissed in the shower, Madonna does it too, it's totally fine.

50. Someone may have said this first, but I said it this way.

51. I only just realized how old fashioned painting is, it's almost quaint now that everyone makes video art.

52. Mike Parr has a really robust looking head.

53. Who agreed to things being this way? Somebody had to, but it just seems weird.

54. Don't read old text messages.

55. Knowing my daily horoscope has never helped me in any way.

56. No part of your health is less important than another.

57. I would never buy a thirteen dollar electric blanket.

58. I need salvation or fixing or something.

59. Food is really just a vehicle for ranch dressing.

60. Jesus, if you were real you'd get me laid today. No, I'll give you to years end.

61. I've seen in westerns that once you pull the knife out, the hemorrhaging really starts. It's strange to consider that the thing that did the harm in the first place is in that moment keeping the cowboy alive. It's like getting a consoling hug from the person who broke your heart.

62. We are the successful product of aeons of breeding. We bear the inherited legacy of many generations. So, not screwing up is kind of a big deal.

63. The older I get, the closer I come to being the man I will ultimately be.

64. Social is survival.

65. The muesli bars I buy are Kosher. That's not why I buy them.

66. If you're ever feeling ungrateful, lose something important, like your iPhone. Then get it back. The feeling of relief and gratitude will be almost overwhelming.

67. My life is my life's work, I'm way behind schedule.

68. When I have a new idea I find it difficult to stop pacing. I get so excited that I feel like I'm going mad. Each time it happens I wonder if this is the idea that's so big that I won't be able to contain it and I'll be driven insane. I'm always ok later, so I probably shouldn't worry.

69. This'll be misquoted.

70. Saw a guy trying to whistle hip-hop. Idiot.

71. What happens when you lose your sex drive? What do you think about all the time?

72. I often imagine the sensation of killing myself. Is that the same as thinking about killing yourself? I'm sure they're quite different.

73. No, I don't want to go on a holiday. If I did, I'd have had the idea myself and I'd have noticed when it happened.

74. Long painting title should go like this:


75. I'm all impact and bright colours.

76. It's amazing that Burger King make such an amazing veggie burger. What do they give a shit what I like?

77. I've been listening to tapes about how to seduce women. All I've learned is that I'm too big of a pussy to try it.

78. I'd be an ideal candidate for cult recruitment.

79. I don't drink or take drugs, so music and sex are really the only things that get me outside of myself and into the moment. The effect of which I find very jarring.

80. The longer I live in Sydney the more attractive I find Asian girls.

81. Don't pay your jailer.

82. I can't tell when pears are ripe.

83. I feel safer at night.

84. Cynically I suppose, I'm almost as interested in making things that look like art as I am in making art. I always have to check that I'm really doing the latter.

85. If a rule is stupid, don't follow it.

86. Today, I'm almost sure I should have been a photographer.

87. If I was a celebrity, I'd create headlines by getting banned from places. I'd only do it in places I didn't like and would never go again. Media strategy.

88. I'm so glad tattoos weren't something anyone even considered when I was younger. I'd have plastered myself with stupid shit for sure.

89. Turtle/Tortoise, most people don't know the difference, I don't think we need two words.

90. I've run out of thoughts... oh wait.

91. I'm just writing anything at all now.

92. I feel lonely and unattractive. I eat a lot of ice cream. These two sentences explain each other and may follow in any order.

93. I'm having trouble reining in my brilliance today, it's spilling onto everyone and getting wasted.

94. Is it selfish for me to want you to love and understand my work when I couldn't care less about yours?

95. Many people wont get this, which is sort of a pity, but  that's ok because the ones that do will and they will buy it.

96. There is a warm place on my kitchen floor where the people in the apartment below concentrate all their breathing on the ceiling, or it could be where their light is.

97. Apparently excessive masturbation causes erectile dysfunction. At this point, I appear to be immune.

98. Where's my private jet?

99. Right now my work appears to be about: art, girls, jokes, fakeness/realness, impotence, anxiety, dumbness, fear, pornography, ambivalence, sexiness, lies and jokes again.

100. This stands as a record of an unfulfilled fantasy.

101. This is another totally accurate statement.

102. I think I have a thing for redheads, it's the freckles maybe?

103. Without physical contact I feel less real in the world, almost virtual or mechanical.

104. My friend is allergic to pineapple, it's totally fucking lethal for her.

105. Everywhere I look I see lazy and poorly made work. On one hand, it fucking disgusts me, on the other I say keep it up losers.

106. Everything I've ever made is the very best it was ever going to be... clearly.

107. Value should always be a central concern, I didn't always think this way.

108. I've said this elsewhere.

109. Trolley.

110. A girl stayed over, she wouldn't let me kiss her because she had a cough. We spooned and that was nice. I felt attractive. I liked her, but we've pretty much lost touch now, it was weird after that. I think she was there out of pity.

111. I quite like having a beard, I think the attractiveness to effort saved shaving ratio is in beards favor, just barely.

112. Dumber than facebook updates.

113. See, what I've done here is dig myself a very deep self esteem pit.

114. Hey Audience, don't be hostile. If you cant tell it's good work assume it's good, rather than the reverse. We'll both enjoy the experience more.

115. Up-Beat! That totally looks right for what it means huh?

116. Value is very important to me, so I want you to have it.

117. No demand, high demand.

118. These are my issues, these are our issues.

119. This is my best work.

120. Dick cancer, cunt cancer.

121. Stop smoking David Hockney, we don't want you to die yet.

122. In my house, ice cream eating is a race to the bottom.

123. I don't like vintage clothing, it's just a load of old stuff. If it was any good, the person who bought it would still be wearing it.

124. When I have sex with a new person it's difficult to know exactly how hard to go at the nipples. It's especially inaccurate to use the last person I was with as reference, since they liked it a bit rough.

125. For me, the surrealists never left the tenth grade.

126. Done with enough confidence, anything may be acceptable.

127. Listening to an Mp3 player is the only effective way to combat the noise of other peoples Mp3 players.

128. Minimalism, we get it. Less is more.

129. I need a hug or some cake or a hand job. I'll probably go and get cake.

130. Speling.

131. I feel like I have very little invested in living.

132. Cum world, egg world.

133. I should ring mum.

134. My bed is such a mess right now... It's a stupid title I know it. They cant all be pearls.

135. My ex-girlfriend broke my heart, if she played football she'd be captain of 'Cunt FC'.

136. You'd love me to succeed, just so I'd be wrong.

137. The most important thing about painting a telephone, is really painting the idea of a telephone. It's vital to produce a telephone that expresses the most telephone-ness. It's the feeling of telephone-ness that makes all the difference between painting an inert plastic object and something with meaning.

138. I don't have any allergies, I cant see why anyone does.

139. My next girlfriend will have a driver's license (among other attributes). Strong shoulders maybe?

140. I'm not especially fond of black clothes or stuff with sculls on it. It just seems to be the way I go.

141. I have only ever dreamed of two celebrities, Madonna twice, Leonardo Dicaprio once. (the Leo dream wasn't sexy, we were just pals, he's a nice dude).

142. I don't like you when you're drunk. I like you when you're sober.

143. I have difficulty being sincere... just kidding.

144. I've never spent longer than a week with anyone that wasn't family.

145. I have a cat, but I'm sure she denies it to her friends.

146. I'm not a vegetarian, I just don't eat meat. Quit labeling me.

147. I really miss The Price is Right, Larry Emdur totally dominated that show like a viking.

148. Lizzy Caplan, Kate Hudson, Katy Perry, Carrie-Anne Moss, Elizabeth Shue, Jessica Simpson. In that order.

149. I just can't trust someone who doesn't like mango.

150. I'll paint the sides of my canvases if I want. Academic  fashion can get fucked (and it is fashion).

151. The real art in art, is basically knowing when something is overdone enough.

152. Never enter an argument in which you have nothing invested.

153. You should always be myself.

154. Painting takes too long.

155. The most exciting thing about this, is that I made it, that's how you know its good.

156. I don't understand art very well, but I understand me just fine. That's why I make art about me, I can hardly be wrong about it.

157. However many cupcakes there are, that's how many I want.

158. Rape whistle. Rape whistler.

159. I expect my genius will popularize the name 'Timothy' the way Oprah's has Oprah.

160. Bungee, bungalow, bung-hole.

161. I swear far too often in my titles. It's lazy and offensive.

162. When I was younger I had much higher self esteem and I felt I would get done everything I wanted done.

163. Camping is an affront to progress and civilization.

164. Lacks depth, but has lots of space.

165. I don't think Janet Jackson is real.

166. I want to make art faster, just as good, but faster.

167. Baked eggs, I hate them. Block me up for days.

168. Cheated, chumped, hacked off and abused.

169. Good posture. It'll improve yourself esteem.

170. Ugh, bed warmer.

171. I believe it's important in life to make every human interaction complicated, ambiguous, competitive and prickly... if you can manage it.

172. Magnitude, magnet dude.

173. I want to be the sort of guy that people say "I met the most amazing guy today!" about.

174. I get jealous that other people beat me to underlining the good passages in library books.

175. I want to be represented by the best galleries everywhere. I deserve this because I am the best.

176. I am the worlds foremost expert on my work, so you can believe me when I tell you it is excellent.

177. Hey everyone, lets not call ourselves consumers. I think it promotes an unhealthy self image.

178. I think it was Hugh Hefner or Anthony Robbins that said "If a life is worth living, it's worth documenting". I feel only parts of my life are worth documenting.

179. Holland Cotter looks like a Ron Muech sculpture.

180. There are few constants in life, but here is one; All women like Billie Holiday and Frida Kahlo.

181. I care what you thingk.

182. Why would I number these, why would I not?... I think it makes a difference.

183. I can’t do anything without you. I need your participation for my work to mean anything.

184. Atheists who's information about religion comes from other atheists...

185. I guess I won’t make titles about failure when I get totally rich, it’ll seem insincere.

186. Retail shopping always seems like it’ll be more fun than it is.

187. I believe wide ties make short people look shorter and regular people look fat.

188. Texting can be a hobby, I guess.

189. Dressing is always a compromise between what I like and what others will find attractive.

190. Soapy.

191. I’m doing my best to be more of a hugger.

192. Seeing girls in short shorts makes me feel both happy and lonely.

193. If I believed the best others saw in me, I’d be unstoppable.

194. I’ve never understood ‘occasional furniture’. If I bought a new table, I’d want to use it all the time.

195. I expect even when I’m rich that 50% off a $230 tie will still seem stupid expensive.

196. I walked behind a guy today that smelled yellow, actually yellow.

197. I mostly choose to walk on the side of the street that has the greatest likelihood of pretty girls. For example, I’d be more inclined to walk on the side of the street with a university than a construction site.

198. If a tree falls in the woods and nobody is there to hear it, the tree should fire it’s publicist.

199. I cried today for the first time in about 15 years, so that was unusual.

200. Typos are unavoidable, I’ve accepted it, I still don't like it though.

201. Successful business people say that your first million is the hardest... tell me about it.

202. Banality from the anonymous is expected and accepted, exceptional from the anonymous is suspicious and rejected.

203. I’m looking for the Lee Krasner to my Jackson Pollock (except I’ll be nicer).

204. It’s odd, my old man was sick for so long that I got pretty used to it, I didn’t even notice how thin he got, he seemed like he would live forever, just sick.

205. There’s always another sucker.

206. Anything done often enough or big enough can be art.

207. Mostly I'm just pretending that I'm not fake.

208. I'm old enough now that I could see a doctor younger than me.

209. I think artistic legitimacy is really achieving the license for others to entertain your most interesting ideas.

210. When in correspondence with Iain Dawson, always spell his name correctly. His reply email will slap you fiercely if you don’t.

211. With everything I make I aim to reduce my feeling of superiority and pretentiousness about it, I’m trying to get to the bedrock of good work. I want to be clear about how good the work is. I want to be meticulous, methodical and honest in my digesting what it is I do.

212. I know I’m capable of greatness, I also know that I need others to believe this of me to achieve it. I think I’m special, I can’t help it.

213. I keep being given girls bikes.

214. I’d like to be less lazy about removing pencil lines.

215. Free tabloid newspapers will kill the magazine industry.

216. I dreamed I wet myself, I woke up to realize I hadn’t. I was on a bus, imagine my relief.

217. I want to evaluate with absolute clarity and really know when I’m not exceeding myself and moving outside of the best I think I can do. I loathe that this isn’t natural and that I have to think about it.

218. My brothers were right, getting free room and board for the two years I looked after my dying father was a pretty good deal.

219. I’m looking for the Sharon Osbourne to my Ozzy Osbourne (except I’ll probably have less tattoos).

220. You know the real skill is in writing so much as I have, without any discernible improvement.

221. We're all professionals.

222. Three twos.

223. I like birds and sharks right now, I want to see birds fighting and a shark eating a bird.

224. Had a great one but I fucking lost it.

225. My clothes are like my art. Both are made by people who can't afford to buy them.

226. I ain't making artist statements anymore. I'm tired of reading other peoples. They gotta feel the same about me.

227. Irony has no place in architecture. Who wants to live in irony?

228. My old man didn't like digital watches, he said they were lazy. A digital clock tells you the time, with an analog clock you have to read the time. I always thought that was a very astute observation. It's like the difference between TV and books. I like TV and analog clocks, he liked books.

229. I can't imagine why people on stage don't squint, the lights seem so bright. It'd take so much practice to be normal under bright lights.

230. Last one.

231. Too big to fail.

232. A good painting title is often the only way for me to make a painting not mean nothing. I think of it like content insurance.

233. March sucks.

234. Never wanted to own a fridge. Fridges are something other people have. You own a fridge, you own an anchor.

235. They made the seats on the bus graffiti proof with a pattern that wouldn't show marks. So the clever people figured a way to scratch their graffiti into the windows of the bus. Amazing really, everywhere you look there are examples of "where there's a will..."

236. No such thing as good cheap legal advice. However, there is such a thing as bad expensive legal advice. I think this is unreasonable.

237. I can't imagine being a butcher. Even if I did eat meat, that's a lot of it to be around all the time. I expect lots of people think that. I doubt anybody thinks that about a green grocer and their vegetables though.

238. Sex is only really important if you aren't getting any. That's a stupid thing to think because it's the same for everything, money, food, shelter, air, love etc.

239. Yakult. Get yogurt, add water. Yakult.

240. Sometimes I look back at my old work and I hate it. Then I think maybe it should just be much bigger.

241. I want to be in 1992, for 30 minutes maybe. On a school day. I can only sort of remember what it feels like. I can remember the back-pack I had, it was a Billabong bag that my mother purchased for me while we were on holiday at Kiama during the summer of 91/92. I begged her for it, and it was expensive. I loved that bag because it made me feel a part of something, I was cool. I want to remember what it feels like to be part of a generation and to be equal-ish with my peers again, at the same place in our lives. That'd be neat.

242. I truly hope the type of people who view or read my work are the kind of people who otherwise give idiocy the benefit of the doubt.

243. I follow my interests, I try to be interesting.

244. You don't know shit.

245. "Epic" is meaningless now. Placing it in front of words like "fail" is redundant.

246. We know what Green is and we know what Blue is, but knowing how blue, green may reasonably get before it's no longer green and starts being blue is altogether more difficult to know.

247. I'll use any excuse to feel shitty.

248. Wearing all black clothes is quite a statement. It's a statement that says: Colours, fuck 'em.

249. I often think the best part of my personality is that I'm not bald.

250. This time last year I had nearly a lot fewer titles.

251. Today I saw a homeless man urinating on a pile of broken biscuits. I empathize with him because I hate broken biscuits too, but from the splash marks on his trousers, it was clear his protest was misdirected.

252. I'm a bitter angry shit. I even begrudge winners of competitions I haven't entered.

253. Cleavage, I totally understand it. It's like, if I had something great that everybody wanted, I'd show it to them too. While I'm thinking, it occurs to me that the first boob I ever touched was during the movie Forest Gump in 1995.

254. You get 30, then 10, then 10, then 10, then 10, then 5 or 10, then that's all.

255. I hope my work never becomes so clever that it starts looking poorly made.

256. Same thing, just one more of it.

257. I'll never know what you're like when I'm not around.

258. I felt calm today. Empty, flat and calm. It was such a nice feeling to know how I felt.

259. I think a lot about my old man around the time of my birthday. Not so much around his, although they're only about two weeks apart.

260. Being pick pocketed in ones own city feels so exotic.

261. Typical and ordinary. So different.

262. I think knowing too much about art can shake ones confidence in making it.

263. Avoid projects that depend on fine weather or other people. Neither may be trusted.

264. I often think of the advice Polonius gave to Laertes:

"...Give every man thy ear, but few thy voice; Take each man's censure, but reserve thy judgment..." etc. Amazing speech, and excellent advice for conduct in the world; though I've always felt missing somewhere in there is "Don't give your time or attention for obvious fucktards to waste, because believe me dude, those bastards will do it and they don't even know, because they are selfish and stupid, Laertes".

265. Ever feel like an Alchemist? Not in a cool, mystical way, but in the way that you might be doing something very irrelevant, while the rest of the world makes science. I do.

267. I dreamed I was in 1987, I could only spend denominations smaller than $1. For the most part my money wasn't invented then, it was frustrating.

268. Competition ensures more people don't get what they want than do.

269. It bothers me more and more that the quality of information one has access to, is becoming increasingly dependent on the technology one can afford... (sent from my iPhone).

270. On my deathbed remembering the highlights of my life will be easy.

271. I feel like I've written the following before, however putting this here changes it and makes it a fresh though, so it's ok now; I think living is just a constant negotiation of compromises.

272. There's a massive difference between new work and new pictures.

273. My microwave understands that 01:30 is the same as 00:90. Knowing this saves me one button press per heating cycle. I'm saving time.

274. As long as your 'attending' is greater than your 'not attending' you're doing okay. Your 'maybe attending' should remain low; but in reality, may cautiously be counted as 'not attending'. Nobody ever gets more 'attending' or 'not attending' than 'awaiting reply', though it should always remain a goal.

275. Fuck coconut scented products.

276. Reality cop shows confirm for me that nearly all street level laws only exist to punish and ultimately harm those for whom shit is already not working out.

277. Kim Kardashian's stylist lives in Strathfield.

278. Is it irony or word play to call your business 'Mortgage House'?

279. Bikini sauce.

280. Evan Dando fucked my friends girlfriend once. Just another reason to hate The Lemonheads.

281. Eating as a procrastination tactic is so very, very dangerous.

282. When I try to be funny, I do it in English, that way everyone except the French can understand it.

283. I mostly make art to impress girls. It's totally working too; my mum thinks I'm incredible.

284. I know I'm good looking. I should have been an actor or a model.

285. Jet skis are the opposite of art.

286. Every day I consider myself so very fortunate to never have owned an object, be it LCD or whatever, with even a single dead pixel.

287. Really, really?!

288. I always do my best when I can be bothered.

289. I don't want to make a difference. I'd be content to make a same, so long as people liked it.

290. I'm 32 now and I want to stop aging. I'm afraid I don't have enough time left to be properly happy.

291. Thank goodness that none of this is real, it'd be heart breaking.

292. I think soldiers must be the most optimistic people ever. To meet each day knowing they will hit their target first, shows profound faith.

293. I've exhausted my thoughts, I'm bored, tired and I don't care about thinking things anymore. I want to give up. This art is a bust. My legacy is a joke (Get it?).

294. The words 'software' and 'hardware' are utterly meaningless without one another.

295. Not every thought qualifies as a public thought. However, that one did.

296. Eyes forward. Always.

297. I consider every word I record is a small and often desperate contribution to an artistic universe in which I'd like a place. One day I'll have contributed so many words, that my place in that universe will be like a McMansion; and have five bathrooms.

298. It feels sometimes like I'm one of those guys who pulls 747 jets along with their teeth to show how strong they are. Each work I make is like a small step against the weight of an aeroplane. The jet says quit, six more words say not yet.

299. When I look in the mirror I say to myself "You are a winner, you can do anything". I can't believe it though, because I know I'm polite and I'm just saying it to be nice.

300. I'm totally sure I don't know what certainty is.

301. Among my many life goals is getting a hair cut so transcendent that it renders the notion of a good or bad hair day completely void.

302. A 32 year trial has found that for my particular physiology, there can be no question that packet mix felafel if ingested, produces farts of greater frequency and potency than any other food.

303. I have no idea what I'm like.

304. I don't care about the poor or the sick. I'm just trying not to be one of them.

305. The shit I complain about, honestly... Some people have brain cancer.

306. Was told today that my car suits me. I got offended, my car is a piece of crap.

307. Speech making is a bit like robbing a bank. Preparation, guts and timing are essential if you even hope to pull it off.

308. Australia... Simple island.

309. There's no beating the man. There's only becoming the man.

310. I'm not sentimental, but I sort of miss both the feeling and the time when I used to give a shit about Hal Hartley films.

311. Don't address me by my first name if you're trying to sell me something. You don't know me, so don't be too fucking familiar. It's Mr Andrew to you.

312. Shit pipe.

313. Where do I find a woman I admire enough to be interested in, but not so much that I'm threatened?

314. The minimum amount required to be happy.

315. Board games, bored games, bored hole, board hole.

316. They have no feelings.

317. We enjoy orgasms; But not so much that we aren't somewhat particular about who we accept them from.

318. I wasn't sure before, but I'm almost certain now that I'm wasting my life. Thing is, I don't know what a life not wasted would be for me exactly.

319. I've always felt a kinship with the dutch. They hate paying rent too.

320. I believe everyone is entitled to happiness. The queue begins behind me.

321. Egypt used to be cool, now it's ruined. Bring back pharaohs, they knew how to get shit done.

322. I want to be so famous that when I accidentally choke myself to death masturbating; Australia gives me a funeral at that fancy church on George Street.

323. Don't feel shitty for no reason. Make one up.

324. It's easy to make ugly, self involved trash. I'm lazy, that's why I do it.

325. Touche, douche.

326. Japanese people get it.

327. As an artist in Australia, if you can't be from another place originally then it's important to have more than one "base" on your CV. Preferably internationally, because it makes you look important (Australians are impressed by that stuff). I chose Sydney and London. Unlike lying about where you've exhibited, a base is kind of vague, difficult to dispute and nobody can really check. So it’s easy to get away with and nobody will call you on it (because that'd take balls and most people are way too insecure about their own place in the arts to question anyone else's).

328. Georgina Rinehart, George Mallory.

329. It's tough to be authentic. It's also tough to be authentic.

330. There isn't a place on the planet far enough to escape where you're from.

331. Loaf of milk, bottle of bread.

332. I've been wrong so often that I've completely lost all fear of it. Not true at all.

333. I know I have to look people in the eye when I speak to them. It's so hard, I loathe it. I can't concentrate on what I'm saying when I do. It's distracting, it's like you can feel the feedback of their thoughts as they consider yours. Puts me right off, it's horrible.

334. I like to get up early, it makes me feel like I have a purpose. Nobody gets up early who doesn't have a purpose.

335. Your an idiot.

336. I used to love smoking. I still crave cigarettes. I really still love them. The only thing that stops me smoking is the thought that I would one day have to tell people that I gave myself cancer. They'd be nice to me but I'd know that we both knew that I was an idiot.

337. Offering positive feedback for bad art is like discussing which bits of the makers shit you'd like to eat.

338. Give your children burger rings.

339. I want to be hit by a car, I always have. There's a thrill I get when I cross a street, I think maybe this will be the time that I mis-time my crossing or a car runs a red light. I can imagine the sweeping feeling of my legs being struck by the bumper and the sharp crack of them breaking. My shoulder followed by my head hitting the bonnet, a dull pain followed by a concussive pain. I might slide up and over the windscreen landing behind the car. Maybe I'd be snagged on the bumper and be dragged under. If I lived, I'd never know if the crash was on some subconscious level deliberate on my part.

340. I didn't say it wrong. You heard it wrong. I used language the best it would allow. Next time, maybe I'll fucking dance it.

341. Everybody wants the same thing.

342. I really want to make textiles. Big things, like bed sheets and doona covers. They're beautiful. They cover everything, they don't end, they just tuck. It's great a illusion.

343. 35km per second.

344. With regard to intimacy, I find it's almost better to have none at all than a small amount infrequently.

345. I may be addicted to deodorant. I apply it four or five times a day, sometimes more. I know I don't like how I look; it's now clear to me that I don't like my smell either.

346. Unicork.

347. Over confident life models are the worst. It's like they have to over compensate with friendliness and chatting to combat their nerves. Shut up and be still. I'm trying to draw your tits.

348. I really can't think of very much lemon flavoured stuff I like. It's all pretty gross.

349. Red red whine.

350. Travel; far from broadening ones interest, in fact narrows ones charm.

351. You know you're getting older when you see a re-run of The Golden Girls and Blanche Devereaux looks kinda ok to you.

352. Finally, I feel like I'm becoming someone I like.

353. Rape Shapes.

354. Lets bond!

355. Completely wrong about 352.

356. Accurate and unburnished criticism does one good. Or rather my accurate and unburnished criticism does you good.

357. Facon bacon.

358. To foster or let falter.

359. A man and his daughter alighted from the bus I rode today. As they did, the man said "thank you, driver". Almost immediately after, the little girl, not older than maybe three echoed "thank you, driver". It was so sweet and surprising, that I almost cried. I think in that moment I nearly understood why people want children.

360. Her shit under my fingernail.

361. Intercity trains are the worst. People want to treat them like an intercontinental flight; they unpack food, remove their shoes, walk around, talk to you with spitty cigarette breath. Please fight your urge to do any of those things, but please fight hardest your urge to talk to me... I don't not like you but I don't like you either. You'll be at Penrith in an hour, just be normal until then.

362. I can't distinguish laziness from fatigue.

363. Nothing hurts more than missing the opportunity to fuck someone you always had a thing for.

364. Be cheerful and friendly, the alternative is death and oblivion.

365. Desert island, dessert island.

366. I really don't understand how it is that women can't see how incredible I am.

367. I can't be bothered with nihilism, there's just no point.

368. Getting heavy again. I need a funny one... That wasn't it.

369. It is my experience that anyone who describes themselves as 'classy', isn't classy.